Conception.
Pregnancy.
Labour.
Birth.
Feeding.
New life.
Postnatal.
How do you feel when you see those words?
I can tell you how I felt 6 years ago when I saw them, when I heard them. I can tell you how I felt this exact time 5 years ago, and I can tell you the different feelings and emotions they have evoked over the years, months, weeks, and days since then too. In short, they started off with excitement, happiness, anticipation with a tiny bit of nervousness thrown in for good measure. Over the years, they have gone between resentment, horror, happiness, regret, bliss, and all the in-betweens. A roller coaster of emotions, for sure. Luckily, I have resolved the negative emotions and am now in a place of peace and happiness.
Each and every journey to parenthood, or indeed to avoid becoming a parent, is completely different. We are all individuals with different perspectives and outlooks and therefore, we experience life and lived events and memories so very differently. For example, my first cesarean birth was traumatic. Until a few months ago, I was unable to think about it. I was unable to look back on photos. It was shit hard! However, there are so many people who have had the most beautiful cesarean birth experiences and this fills my heart with such happiness. I love watching cesarean births now.
But why?
Why are our perceptions so different when it comes to traumatic experiences?
Well, we experience trauma from situations of perceived danger. When we perceive danger, our bodies go into fight, flight or freeze mode. It’s an automatic response and one that is out of our control. In traumatic events, we typically skip straight past fight or flight and we freeze, meaning that we become unresponsive; almost submissive. Looking back on the event, we often question ourselves on why we didn’t speak up:
“Why didn’t I say anything?”
“Why didn’t I say no?”
“Why didn’t I stand up for myself?”
“I should have said something!”
It really isn’t that simple though. When we enter “freeze”, we are in survival mode; acting dead in the hope that it all stops. Wishing this moment to be over quickly. We literally cannot do anything else. Our bodies, our brains … they believe us to be in danger and want to protect us and this is how they best know to do it.
If you feel you are suffering from trauma, no matter which part of your journey it stems from, know that it is not your fault. You are not to blame. You were literally unable to do anything in that moment, during that situation. Perinatal Trauma can be temporary. It can be treated and you can begin to feel more like you again. This is all so, so possible.
“The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It is our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.”
~ Brene Browne
Keep an eye out for my next post on the symptoms of Perinatal Trauma.
Perinatal trauma is often misdiagnosed as Postnatal Depression or Anxiety as they do have similar symptoms. If you feel your suffering stems directly from a specific event, or series of events, you may be suffering from trauma. Seeking help specifically for Perinatal Trauma will benefit you more than any depression medication, particularly if you have been misdiagnosed.
Contact me, if you would like to discuss options to resolve your trauma.
087 679 5337